Ambivalence in Eating Disorder Recovery: When Part of You Wants Recovery and Part of You Does Not

Content Note: This article discusses eating disorder recovery and may reference fears related to food, body changes, and treatment. The content is intended to be supportive and recovery-oriented.

Recovery from an eating disorder is rarely a straight path. Many people begin recovery believing they should feel fully ready to let go of the disorder, only to discover a more complicated reality.

One part of them wants healing, freedom, and a life that is not controlled by food or body image. Another part feels deeply afraid to give the eating disorder up. This experience is called ambivalence, and it is one of the most common parts of eating disorder recovery.

Ambivalence does not mean someone is failing at recovery. In many cases, it means they are engaging honestly with the very real difficulty of change. Understanding why ambivalence happens and how to work through it can help people remain actively engaged in recovery even when motivation fluctuates.

What Is Ambivalence?

Ambivalence occurs when a person holds conflicting thoughts or feelings about change.

In eating disorder recovery, this often looks like wanting the benefits of recovery while also fearing what recovery might require.

For example, someone might think:

• “I want my life back.”

• “I want to have energy again.”

• “I want my relationships to feel easier.”

At the same time, they may also think:

• “What if my body changes and I cannot tolerate it?”

• “What if I lose the one coping tool I have?”

• “What if I am not strong enough to recover?”

Both experiences can exist at the same time.

The Stages of Change model describes ambivalence as a normal part of the process of behavior change. During the contemplation stage, individuals are actively weighing the costs and benefits of changing versus staying the same (Prochaska & DiClemente, 1983).

For many people with eating disorders, this stage can last a long time because the disorder often serves important psychological functions.

Why Eating Disorders Create Ambivalence

Eating disorders rarely develop without purpose. Even when they cause significant harm, they often provide something that feels protective or helpful.

People commonly report that their eating disorder helps them:

• Manage overwhelming emotions

• Feel a sense of control

• Avoid painful experiences

• Reduce anxiety

• Create structure or predictability

• Feel a sense of identity

Because of this, recovery can feel like losing the very tool that helped someone survive difficult experiences. Research has shown that individuals with eating disorders often experience strong motivational conflict, meaning they simultaneously want recovery and fear it (Geller, Brown, & Srikameswaran, 2011). From this perspective, ambivalence is not resistance. It is a reflection of how meaningful and challenging recovery can be.

What Research Says About Ambivalence in Eating Disorder Recovery

Research consistently shows that ambivalence is a central feature of eating disorder recovery.

Studies have found that many individuals with eating disorders experience what researchers call approach and avoidance motivation toward recovery. They are drawn toward the benefits of recovery while also wanting to avoid the fears associated with it (Vitousek, Watson, & Wilson, 1998).

Other research suggests that motivation for recovery tends to fluctuate over time, particularly during periods when recovery requires difficult behavioral changes such as nutritional rehabilitation or challenging body image fears (Treasure & Schmidt, 2013).

Motivational interviewing approaches are often used in eating disorder treatment because they help people explore these mixed feelings in a compassionate and non-judgmental way (Geller et al., 2011).

Rather than trying to eliminate ambivalence, many therapeutic approaches focus on helping people move forward while ambivalence is still present.

Signs You May Be Experiencing Ambivalence

Ambivalence can show up in many different ways. Some common experiences include:

• Feeling motivated for recovery one day and doubtful the next

• Following parts of a treatment plan but avoiding others

• Wanting recovery while also missing eating disorder behaviors

• Feeling frustrated with yourself for not feeling fully committed

• Wondering whether recovery is worth the discomfort

These experiences can feel confusing and discouraging; however, they are extremely common in recovery.

Strategies for Staying Engaged in Recovery When Ambivalence Shows Up

Ambivalence does not have to stop recovery. Learning to work with it can actually strengthen long-term change.

1. Expect Ambivalence

One of the most helpful shifts is understanding that ambivalence is normal. When people expect some level of doubt or fear during recovery, they are less likely to interpret it as failure. Recovery often involves continuing to take steps forward even when motivation feels imperfect.

2. Separate Your Values From the Eating Disorder Voice

Eating disorders often create a strong internal narrative that promotes behaviors that maintain the illness.

It can help to write down two perspectives:

The eating disorder voice vs. Your values and long-term goals

For example:

Eating disorder voice: “If you recover, everything will feel out of control.”

Values-based voice: “I want to build a life where food and body thoughts are not running my day.”

This exercise can help clarify the direction you want your life to move toward.

3. Focus on What Recovery Makes Possible

Recovery can feel overwhelming when it is framed only as giving things up.

It can help to focus on what recovery makes possible.

For example:

• Having energy to participate in relationships

• Being able to focus at school or work

• Feeling more emotionally stable

• Engaging in meaningful activities

Connecting recovery to personally meaningful values can strengthen motivation over time.

4. Make Small Commitments

Motivation naturally fluctuates during recovery. Waiting to feel fully ready can sometimes keep people stuck.

Instead, focus on small recovery commitments, such as:

• Completing one meal or snack according to your plan

• Practicing one coping skill

• Attending one therapy appointment

• Challenging one eating disorder thought

Small actions can build confidence and momentum.

5. Talk Openly About Ambivalence

Many people feel ashamed of their ambivalence and try to hide it from treatment providers or loved ones. Talking openly about these mixed feelings can actually strengthen recovery. When ambivalence is explored safely, it often becomes easier to understand the fears underneath it.

You do not have to resolve all of those fears before continuing recovery.

6. Remember That Motivation Often Follows Action

A common myth is that motivation must come first. In reality, motivation often grows after someone begins taking recovery steps. Even small recovery actions can help reinforce the belief that change is possible.

A Compassionate Reminder

If you are experiencing ambivalence in recovery, you are not alone.

It is possible to feel scared of recovery and still move toward it. It is possible to miss aspects of the eating disorder and still want something different for your life.

Recovery does not require perfect motivation. It requires continued willingness to take steps toward the life you want, even when those steps feel uncertain.

Ambivalence does not mean recovery is impossible. Often, it means recovery matters deeply.

Reader Reflection

Exploring Your Ambivalence in Recovery

You can journal through the prompts below or revisit them over time.

Part 1: Understanding Both Sides

1. What are some ways the eating disorder has felt helpful or protective in your life?

2. What are some ways the eating disorder has made your life harder?

3. What fears come up when you think about recovery?

4. What hopes come up when you imagine life further along in recovery?

Part 2: Identifying Your Values

1. What kind of life do you want outside of the eating disorder?

2. What relationships, goals, or experiences matter most to you?

3. How might recovery support those values?

Part 3: Small Steps Forward

1. What is one small recovery action you can take this week?

2. What support might make that step easier?

3. What would you want to remind yourself on a day when motivation feels low?

Reflection

Ambivalence is a normal part of change. You do not have to eliminate ambivalence in order to keep moving toward recovery.

Disclaimer: This blog post is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for individualized medical or mental health care. If you are struggling with eating disorder symptoms, consider seeking support from a qualified, eating disorder informed provider.

References

Geller, J., Brown, K. E., & Srikameswaran, S. (2011). The efficacy of a brief motivational intervention for individuals with eating disorders. Eating Disorders, 19(1), 1–16.

Prochaska, J. O., & DiClemente, C. C. (1983). Stages and processes of self change of smoking: Toward an integrative model of change. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 51(3), 390–395.

Treasure, J., & Schmidt, U. (2013). The cognitive interpersonal maintenance model of anorexia nervosa revisited. International Journal of Eating Disorders, 46(2), 109–117.

Vitousek, K., Watson, S., & Wilson, G. (1998). Enhancing motivation for change in treatment resistant eating disorders. Clinical Psychology Review, 18(4), 391–420.